Instead of Reacting, Stand For Yourself to Meet Your Needs During Divorce

Whenever we react to someone or something, we can often spend a lot of negative energy arguing, defending, explaining, or convincing. Instead, wouldn't it be far more satisfying to put that energy into standing for ourselves and our own needs? Certainly, when you are going through a divorce or facing any family law issue, it is far more productive and rewarding to focus your energy on rebuilding positive family connections and meeting your own needs rather than negatively reacting to your spouse, your lawyer or the legal system. The former empowers you while the latter makes you a victim.

Some suggestions for standing for yourself during the divorce process or when facing a family law issue:

1. It is important to remember that when we are focusing on someone else's perceived shortcomings, chances are that we are neglecting ourselves. If you notice yourself having a strong negative reaction to someone or something, you might ask yourself what you have been avoiding or not facing in your own life. For example, perhaps you haven't spoken to your mother in many years after an explosive argument and falling out. You also find yourself often blowing up at your children, your ex, or anyone or anything around you. Sure, you can justify your blowups but why not instead explore the anger you haven't expressed towards your mother by keeping silent all these years? This is just one example. The point is that you might try identifying any areas in your life that you have been perpetually avoiding or putting off. This will put the focus on yourself and your own needs which in turn will likely reduce the need to focus on someone else's perceived shortcomings.

2. Identify specific actions you can take to stand for yourself. For instance, in the example above, you might write a letter to your mother where you fully expresss your feelings. Chances are you will notice that your frequent blowups at those around you simply disappear. After identifying any areas that you have been avoiding, you might try listing specific and concrete actions that you can take to deal with the area head in a positive and productive way.

3. Communicate your feelings and needs in a productive (rather than destructive) way that brings about positive results. For example, perhaps your parents or former in-laws are driving your crazy by constantly telling you how to parent your children. Rather than reacting by defending or arguing with them, you might stand for yourself by calmly and assertively telling them that you appreciate their concern as your children's grandparents and are confident that you have a parenting style that always looks out for your children's best interests.

Specifically, in divorce negotiations, the goal is generally to achieve a global settlement with terms that are beneficial to both parties. Therefore, at the outset of negotiations, it is important for both you and your spouse (in conjunction with your attorneys) to identify values and specific goals. This will reduce the chance that both energy and money will be spent on reacting to each party's behavior, which unfortunately can keep you polarized and disconnected from standing for yourself.

Please feel free to comment on this post and/or pass it on to others who might find this information helpful.
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New York Uncontested Divorce: 4 Tips for Ending Your Marriage Quickly and Affordably

A fast and affordable New York divorce is within reach of most couples, provided that they put aside their emotional baggage and focus on finding common ground.

The media is filled with horror stories about never-ending divorce proceedings that inflict a tsunami of trauma upon couples and their children. In reality, most matrimonial cases (in New York and elsewhere) are amicably resolved without lengthy court proceedings. The majority of New York divorce cases are "uncontested" matters that are processed quickly by the courts. New York courts do not require parties to testify in court to get a judgment of divorce in uncontested matrimonial cases.

The following are a few steps you can take to maximize your chance of amicably resolving your divorce case:

# 1: Retain a Divorce Lawyer Who Will Try to Amicably Resolve Your Case:

I have been practicing divorce law in New York for more than 19 years. During this period, I have negotiated with and/or litigated against hundreds (if not thousands) of divorce attorneys. The vast majority of attorneys seek the best possible results for their clients and recognize that most middle class couples are unable to afford the cost of a fully-litigated divorce. However, some attorneys are unwilling to adopt anything less than a scorched-earth campaign for their clients. Unless you have completely ruled out the possibility of an amicable settlement, I would recommend that you avoid any lawyer who tries to sell you the pipe dream of getting a monumental victory at trial. When divorce cases go to trial, both spouses endure stress and huge costs. Find a lawyer who is willing to use both a carrot and a stick.

Tip # 2: Full Financial Disclosure is Essential:

Full disclosure by both spouses is an essential prerequisite for settlement. In fact, most divorce lawyers in New York will not allow you to settle without having first ensured that both you and your spouse have exchanged statements setting forth your assets, liabilities, incomes, and other financial matters. Settlement agreements that are not preceded by such disclosure are vulnerable to legal challenges. Failure to exchange full financial disclosure makes it less likely that a case will settle. In New York, financial disclosure in divorce cases is typically effectuated by the exchange of net worth statements. If there are questions regarding a particular asset (such a bank account), it is common for parties to provide authorizations for the release of information by the institution to the other party.

Tip # 3: Preparation and Knowledge:

Like most endeavors in life, your odds of successfully negotiating the financial issues in your divorce will be greatly enhanced by preparation. Regardless of whether you are negotiating independently or with the assistance of counsel, you should become acquired with the law governing your case. For example, you should know that New York is an "equitable distribution" state, and that property acquired during the marriage is presumed to be marital property. A party attempting to overcome that presumption bears the burden of overcoming that presumption.

Tip # 4: Avoid the Temptation to Use Divorce Proceedings as an Outlet for Getting Revenge.

The end of any intimate relationship is painful and traumatic. Many people find that by meeting with a therapist, they are able to resolve their emotional issues. Some people try use divorce proceedings as a way express their bitterness over the wrongs that were inflicted upon them during their marriage. Typically, they are disappointed. New York courts are overburdened and slow, and divorce judges focus on financial issues, rather than which party was at "fault". Protracted court proceedings will inflict more trauma. Although compromising is difficult, it will likely bring the greatest benefit at the lowest cost.

Marc A. Rapaport is a New York divorce attorney with 19 years of experience. Mr. Rapaport is the founder of Manhattan's Rapaport Law Firm, PLLC, a full-service matrimonial law firm that provides legal representation in no-fault divorce and other family law matters. Read more about New York divorce law and procedure at http://www.RapaportLaw.com

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The Acceptable Divorce Procedure

Divorce is legally recognized when the parties to the divorce have filled for separation to the court of law and a certificate of separation issued after the court of competent jurisdiction has heard the case and agreed on some formalities to adopt.

The separation process differs from one state to another. Failure to procedurally follow the agreed process of attaining your divorce status is one of the things, which can ruin your life if not your long, struggled for future. Of what importance will it be if you work hard to accumulate you property for so many years only to be forced to share with your earlier days deemed to be divorced partner? The only way to hedge against such risk is taking the right formalities, which will ensure that this process is legalized and nothing else more. In many states the separation cases are the order of the day, the reason for having such cases is simple. Ignorance, which in law has no defence, is the main cause of modern cases of separation. For your information, the fact, which should highly click in your mind, is that marriage is a legally recognized contract, which can never be bleached without following the legally stipulated procedure. Although the separation procedures differ among different states, there is a generally recognized procedure to be followed, which if embraced separation cases will be outdated.

The proper procedure entails a major decision, which cannot be rushed into. There should be a period between the disagreement and hence need to file for separation and the actual filling of the separation, normally this is what is called the cooling period in which the partners take time to evaluate their about to be made decision before entering the process. The separation process starts once an application for separation has been made. There are systematic procedures, which are supposed to be included when making the application. Once the application has been made the enclosed documents should be well packaged and accompany the application. The second step is signing to affirm the process before an attorney of justice and then making photocopies of the signed separation documents for filling.

The filling of the documents in addition of your marriage certificate is what follows. At this stage a small fees should be packaged before the hearing and having the court verdict where the court official documents are given and the partners are deemed by law to be officially divorced. Surely, knowledge is power, therefore you entirely need information on how you can effectively file and attain your legal separation.

Want to know more about getting a divorce in a legal way? Read on more information on divorce right away.

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